Men Express Themselves
Okay. Who here hasn't said that to their husband or S.O. (significant other)?
And, of course, there is only one way to properly fold the towels. Or, clean-up after dinner… Or hang clothes… Or, cut the grass.
"Enough already!", you say? You get the point and I can stop droning on about it? - Whew!
Confess. - Do you follow after your husband re-doing the laundry, re-cleaning the kitchen, or… Boy, that must be exhausting. And really eat into your leisure time. - Then, if you hire someone to cut your grass instead of your lazy/ incompetent man, you probably lose 3 times. - Once, for the extra money spent (which could have equaled a new pair of shoes). Second, because the gardener does not resemble the young hunk on 'Desperate Housewives'. Finally, because your husband will undoubtedly flip when he finds out.
"Not fair!", you cry out to the page. "I only want things done correctly. To have pride in our home and how things look to others."
So let me see if I understand this: Yours is the only correct way to do household chores. Anything else shows a lack of caring. And, men do not care about artificial appearances. Perhaps, I'll give you the third response. But first…
I remember 2 newlywed couples dining out. Wife #1 said, "Jim tries to be helpful around the house. But he really creates more work for me. Like doing the laundry, he folds towels incorrectly." - Wife #2 said, "I know exactly what you mean! Bill does the same thing. And, come on, there is only one way to correctly fold a bath towel." - Wife #1, "You are so right! He folds them in quarters instead of in thirds." - Wife #2, "Thirds? The correct way is in fourths. Who doesn't know that? As the sparks flew back and forth among the husbands who were tempted to light their cigarettes with these sparks, I noticed, instead, a mixture of wishing that they were somewhere, anywhere else, and a glimmer of envy, fantasizing how the other's spouse would be to live with.
Now, Ladies, do you really think your spouse wants a public display of the criticism and humiliation that this conversation offers?
Can we agree that children often learn through observation? If 'yes', then imagine the messages which your offspring receive when you criticize their father, in their presence. Such as, "Dad must really be a dufus. He doesn't do anything right." Or, "Will Mom treat me the same way when I start doing chores?" Or, my personal favorite, "If Mom doesn't show dad any respect, maybe we don't have to, either!"
Assuming that you have the class to humiliate your husband out of the little ones' earshot, did you realize that 'Crap often rolls downhill'? For better or for worse, your beloved will probably be less patient with the small ones.
Martyrdom, unfortunately, suits some of you, if only unconsciously. Telling girlfriends or your mom how tired you are because you have to re-do his helping 'hand(s)iwork', might get you some sympathy or it might just cause others to wonder why you married 'a loser' and put up with him?
Uneven playing field. - Do you realize that for most men, housework is not something that they were trained in, had lots of practice in, and, dare I say this, not something that they give much thought to. (At least if it involves them doing it.) So, it's pretty easy for a wife to criticize or belittle a husband for his performance or lack of it in this area. It's kind of, like throwing darts at a blindfolded and tied-up sumo wrestler, from 3 feet away. - Care to know what your husband probably fantasizes about? No,… Besides the beautiful redhead down the street… It's wishing that you were in his office or on the construction site, where he is the one with the experience and expertise. That way, he could 'return the favor'.
Now, isn't all of this hostility, power trip, and ego such a waste in the scheme of things? Wouldn't you rather accept help graciously, have more time and energy, and, most importantly, have a happier marriage? - Because, trust me on this, men take this seriously and so should you.
copyright - R. Irving 2006