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When A Past Lover Was Better

By Russell Irving

Okay. -- So you fell in love with a terrific guy or gal.

You either have pre-marital sex or wait until you are officially husband and wife.
In either instance, you know that the lovemaking experience, while good or very good, is not bringing you to the level of excitement or orgasm, as you had with a previous lover or spouse.
So what to do? Especially if you are married?

Well, you could tell them that they were 'so-so' and put a knife through their heart and ego. Or, you could achieve the same effect by letting them know how a previous lover had a special technique for bringing you to the ultimate climax.

A gentleman once opined about a woman he was getting seriously involved with. They had intercourse several times. Out of curiosity, knowing that she had been married and dated others since her divorce, he asked how he stood up against her other sexual partners. (Such a bad move on his part, especially when only in the early stages of dating.) She responded that a person (whom she identified) was by far her best lover. But that this man brought such emotion to the table (or bed) that he sort of made-up for his lack of technical skill. And, that he was head and shoulders above the other in terms of character. -- Now, while some men might have been thrilled to hear that last part, he admittedly barely registered the comment until they had broken-up. He fixated on his stated lack of sexual proficiency. And, from then on, his performance degraded in direct proportion to his desire to surpass the former lover.

Do you remember my ever saying that there are times when a 'white lie' is called for? Well, folks, this is one of those times.
No one wants to hear that they cannot sexually arouse or please their spouse in ways that another person had, before them. So, tell them how great they were! Stroke them, literally and figuratively.

But, you cry out that they are not a particularly great lover! And, that you don't want to spend decades with someone who does not 'do it' for you. That you deserve to have a superb sex life.
Well, I won't argue with you, there. But, you
do need to realize and accept a few things, if you want this marriage to not only last, but to flourish.

Again, never tell them that they are not as good as a previous partner. Period. Exclamation point.
That said, it's up to you to know what turns you on and 'gets you there' in a dramatic and oh-so-satisfying way. -- Once you are confidant that you know this, then guide him to doing those things to you. Whether it involves a touch, it's duration or speed. Or, it involves verbal stimulus, doesn't matter, because you need to guide him or her.

Now, don't make the common mistake of doing to them what you wish that they did to you. Simply because they might not like those moves. And the fact that you do them to your spouse, does not necessarily make them think that you want these things done or said to you.

Another common mistake is expecting them to 'get it right' on the first, second, or even third attempt. If this is new to them, there will be a 'learning curve', so to speak.

So what are the lessons to be learned here? -- Don't ever verbally compare them to another lover unless to say how much better they are than the other person. -- Communicate your desires to them subtly and without making them feel as if they are an amateur or just plain lousy lover.

Now, go and enjoy your love life! You do deserve it!

'Nuff said!

copyright - R. Irving 2012