Men Express Themselves
Okay. -- So you fell in love with a terrific guy or
Well, you could tell them that they were 'so-so' and put a knife through their heart and ego. Or, you could achieve the same effect by letting them know how a previous lover had a special technique for bringing you to the ultimate climax.
A gentleman once opined about a woman he was getting seriously involved with. They had intercourse several times. Out of curiosity, knowing that she had been married and dated others since her divorce, he asked how he stood up against her other sexual partners. (Such a bad move on his part, especially when only in the early stages of dating.) She responded that a person (whom she identified) was by far her best lover. But that this man brought such emotion to the table (or bed) that he sort of made-up for his lack of technical skill. And, that he was head and shoulders above the other in terms of character. -- Now, while some men might have been thrilled to hear that last part, he admittedly barely registered the comment until they had broken-up. He fixated on his stated lack of sexual proficiency. And, from then on, his performance degraded in direct proportion to his desire to surpass the former lover.
Do you remember my ever saying that there are times
when a 'white lie' is called for? Well, folks, this is one of those
But, you cry out that they are
not a particularly great lover! And,
that you don't want to spend decades with someone who does not 'do
it' for you. That you deserve to
have a superb sex life.
Again, never tell
them that they are not as good as a previous partner. Period.
Now, don't make the common mistake of doing to them what you wish that they did to you. Simply because they might not like those moves. And the fact that you do them to your spouse, does not necessarily make them think that you want these things done or said to you.
Another common mistake is expecting them to 'get it right' on the first, second, or even third attempt. If this is new to them, there will be a 'learning curve', so to speak.
So what are the lessons to be learned here? -- Don't ever verbally compare them to another lover unless to say how much better they are than the other person. -- Communicate your desires to them subtly and without making them feel as if they are an amateur or just plain lousy lover.
Now, go and enjoy your love life! You do deserve it!
copyright - R. Irving 2012