Men Express Themselves
While many a couple will be happily
enjoying Valentine's Day pleasures, there will certainly be too many
who will not only be dreading the day, but who will suffer through
it, best they can.
Where can you find these folks who stay
in the marriage for assorted reasons? You need look no further than
on Internet forums, Facebook, in eavesdropped conversations (spoken
in whispers), at taverns, in locker rooms, or cafes. Basically
me be clear: These frustrated spouses are not typically wives
and husbands who have unusually high sex drives. Or who are 'affection exhibitionists'... These are 'regular' folks. People who
married someone that they believed would devote some amount of
physical and emotional energy toward the highs and satisfaction
derived from spousal contact.
To be fair, women and men experience
all sorts of hormonal changes over time. And men can find themselves
impotent or too used to climaxing far too soon. And neither gender
might wish to consume the 'little blue pill' or risk the effects of
estrogen replacement therapy.
Affairs, for some who indulge in these,
are in fact driven by wives and husbands who decide,
single-offhandedly that their marriage should be largely platonic.
I have heard people ask how total
abstinence in a marriage is any less of a breaking of the marital
vows, then having an affair?
Many of these 'hungry' women and men
remain in the marriage because they wish to be with their children,
daily. Or, for financial reasons. Or, because they decide that their
love for their spouse is strong enough to justify staying.
Interesting is that the one espousing
the platonic relationship can find all sorts of justification for
changing the 'rules' of their marriage. -- They're tired. They find
what happens in the bedroom to be boring. They decide, unilaterally,
that they are no longer attractive, so they don't want to 'expose'
themselves, if you will. They want time alone without being bothered.
So far I haven't mentioned those who use sex as a bargaining chip to get what they want. Or, as a 'weapon' to get back at their spouse for a real or imagined situation.
Worse yet are the spouses who proclaim that their partner is free to seek a divorce if they are so unhappy. Wow! A dagger to the heart! This essentially says that some major marital decisions are theirs alone to make, things will never change, and, most importantly, they cannot find sufficient joy in pleasing their wife or husband to... That divorce and breaking-up the family is easier to do, then to maintain their marital vows and the accompanying, typical expectations for a married life.
Okay, so I have covered the problem.
But is there a solution? A workable one?
Did you notice that I have very much included women as 'sufferers', if you will in this situation? That's because they are. And, the media has a responsibility to make something of that, for the benefit of both genders.
Bottom-line, it is in 'the Obvious' that many answers to marital problems exist. Please check out the very different marital guide... Designed for good marriages as well as rocky ones... Improve Your Marriage - Don't Overlook the Obvious. And, it's companion website, www.DontOverlookTheObvious.com.
copyright - R. Irving