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Trying To Be 'Prince Charming'

Russell Irving

We all play them. All of the time. Sometimes, they suit us well and lead to great rewards. Other times, we tailor them in order to assauge our inner fears, to manipulate others, to achieve the best that we can, to avoid awkward or difficult situations.
And, sometimes, we forget that others also play roles. For their own purposes.

One of the common roles that we men play is that of 'Knight in Shining Armor'. We often do love rescuing a 'Damsel in Distress'!  
The problem with that is we have placed ourselves in a role of 'superiority' over the woman. We essentially play on her need to have what she hopes will be a better life.
Perhaps she has an abusive family member from whom she wishes to escape. - Perhaps, she struck out in the love department many times going for the type of man who normally is desirable, yet who turns out to be a cad of one type or another. - Some women have an addiction and look for someone to either help her to vanquish her demons or to financially allow her to continue on her path of destruction. (This is not so melodramatic a phrase if you knew many addicts.) - There are those whom, for whatever reason, live paycheck to paycheck or who simply move from friend to relative to lover and then back around again, in order to have the basics of life. - There are those women who were always put-down and made to believe that they were worthless. So that when they find someone who will treat them well and with respect, they jump at the prospect of finally being recognized for whom they truly are, inside.

Regardless of the reason, these women often attract, as if a magnet, the man who might have a strong desire to please their partner. Or the man who doubts that he would ever be able to get the type of woman whom he secretly craves, to even notrice him; let alone choose him as a life-partner. Or the man who doesn't like the hassle of dealing with the dating scene. Or the man who needs to be needed. Or the man who has watched too many shows where the hero rushes in at the last moment in order to save the fair, young maiden.

There are many of you who are willing to sacrifice your dreams for the immediate adoration and affection of these needy women. (Ladies, this is not a put-down, by the way, as there are plenty of needy men.)
But, if you are one of these guys, you need to wake up from the fairy tale dreamworld where you are Prince Charming. Because hooking up with, on any level, these women, will more than likely result in damaging you, instead.

I know! You are different! And so is your specific situation. Your chosen lover. - You do what you do out of 'pure love' for this woman. But, I ask you to remove what covers your eyes, for the moment. Switch into the role of friend or advisor. If you could look at the situation from the viewpoint of your 'best bud', what would he say? What would the family who knows you best, say?
Be honest! Soul search. Then, be logical: Fairy tale princes and damsels in distreess seldom have a 'Happily Ever After' ending

By the way... How do I know so much about this topic? Aside from years of speaking with co-workers, observing others, reading, and... When I was a young man in my 20's, I thought of myself as a 'rescuer' and 'prince'. Luckily, I awoke from the dream before I helped to ruin both my life and the young lady's life. Fortunately, I held out for the woman whom I truly loved for who she was and who I was when with her. No settling.

So, I ask any young (or old) princes out there to give serious consideration to the possibility that you are playing a rescuer's role. Because that is not the foundation for a lasting marriage or relationship.
What is?
A sense of viewing the woman as an equal, a partner in life, someone who could live independently (as could you), yet someone who chooses to spend their years being by your side.

'Nuff said.

Send me your thoughts on this topic. Write me at - Your name will not be published if we decide to post your comments. I hope that we hear from you.

Copyright Russell Irving 11-2012