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The 'Other' Green Monster
By Russell Irving

Most of us have 'been there', at one time or another.
Like the Hulk, part of us turns green (although it's our eyes). Our blood pressure changes. We might talk incoherently to our lover. We don't listen well. We might act erratically.

What causes these changes in us? Why, jealousy, of course!
We hate to admit it. We would much rather think of ourselves as secure in our relationship. Level-headed.
Yet, something happens to us, at our most vulnerable times, which we know on one hand is illogical. On the other hand, we believe that there is good reason to suspect our mate of either fooling around or of being susceptible to it.

Raise your hand if you lost a relationship due to this 'monster', within you.
Fact of the matter is that jealousy is a common and natural reaction. However, the intensity of the feeling and how we react to it can be quite destructive.
Identifying the reason for our jealousy is important.
Having lost a job, it is understandable that one's self-confidence will be shaken.
If a spouse or fiancee dumped you for someone else, again, it is understandable that you might experience doubts and jealousy the next time your lover spends inordinate amounts of time with someone else.
Poor self-image is another impetus for jealousy.

Note that I have not said that any of these would justify irrational behavior.
The fact of the matter is that romantic partners might initially experience a fleeting feeling of flattery... (Say that 3 times, quickly!) Yet, from there on, they typically resent behavior coming from jealousy.

So what do you do? Practice meditation like Bruce Banner does in order to keep his 'green monster' at bay?
Well, that might not be a bad idea, for starters. Timing yourself out can give you you the opportunity to regain control of your rational self.
Try to logically evaluate the situation don't mean spy on your mate. But consider how many other occasions they have had to cheat on you and did not. Why would this moment be any different?
Do not stalk them. Aside from being dangerous on many levels, it is usually illegal to do.
Attempts at controlling who your lover spends time with will certainly backfire on you. Do you want someone to micro-manage your every moment?
Confronting them isn't a great idea, either. 'Confronting' is different then 'discussing'. If you truly feel that you must bring up your feelings of jealousy, do so gently and in a non-accusatory manner. Explain how you might have been hurt by another relationship. Or, why you are feeling especially vulnerable, at this time.

If, you believe that you cannot control your jealousy and might act out violently or in an otherwise dangerous fashion, immediately seek professional help. (There are free and sliding fee scale resources available in most areas. Don't forget clergy... )

Bottom-line: Jealousy is normal. Excessive jealousy or unfounded jealousy should be avoided and put under control. - You and your lover deserve to have a wonderful and trusting relationship. And, if that is not possible with your current partner, then move on!

'Nuff said.

Russell Irving is a media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. – His book, Improve Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook The Obvious applies to couples in a 'committed relationship' and is available at,, as well as the book’s companion site, . Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages. He is also webmaster of And, his Twitter name is RussIrving. Russ welcomes your feedback.