'Other' Green Monster
Most of us have 'been there', at one
time or another.
Like the Hulk, part of us turns green
(although it's our eyes). Our blood pressure changes. We might talk
incoherently to our lover. We don't listen well. We might act
What causes these changes in us? Why,
jealousy, of course!
We hate to admit it. We would much
rather think of ourselves as secure in our relationship.
Yet, something happens to us, at our most vulnerable
times, which we know on one hand is illogical. On the other hand, we
believe that there is good reason to suspect our mate of either
fooling around or of being susceptible to it.
Raise your hand if you lost a
relationship due to this 'monster', within you.
Fact of the matter
is that jealousy is a common and natural reaction. However, the
intensity of the feeling and how we react to it can be quite
Identifying the reason for our jealousy
Having lost a job, it is understandable that one's
self-confidence will be shaken.
If a spouse or fiancee dumped you for
someone else, again, it is understandable that you might experience
doubts and jealousy the next time your lover spends inordinate
amounts of time with someone else.
Poor self-image is another impetus for
Note that I have not said that any of
these would justify irrational behavior.
The fact of the matter is that romantic
partners might initially experience a fleeting feeling of flattery...
(Say that 3 times, quickly!) Yet, from there on, they typically
resent behavior coming from jealousy.
So what do you do? Practice meditation
like Bruce Banner does in order to keep his 'green monster' at
Well, that might not be a bad idea, for starters. Timing
yourself out can give you you the opportunity to regain control of
your rational self.
Try to logically evaluate the situation
don't mean spy on your mate. But consider how many other occasions
they have had to cheat on you and did not. Why would this moment be
Do not stalk them. Aside from being dangerous on
many levels, it is usually illegal to do.
Attempts at controlling who your lover
spends time with will certainly backfire on you. Do you want someone
to micro-manage your every moment?
Confronting them isn't a great idea,
either. 'Confronting' is different then 'discussing'. If you truly
feel that you must bring up your feelings of jealousy, do so gently
and in a non-accusatory manner. Explain how you might have been hurt
by another relationship. Or, why you are feeling especially
vulnerable, at this time.
If, you believe that you cannot control
your jealousy and might act out violently or in an otherwise
dangerous fashion, immediately seek professional help. (There are
free and sliding fee scale resources available in most areas. Don't
forget clergy... )
Bottom-line: Jealousy is normal.
Excessive jealousy or unfounded jealousy should be avoided and put
under control. - You and your lover deserve to have a wonderful and
trusting relationship. And, if that is not possible with your current
partner, then move on!
Russell Irving is a
media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. – His
book, Improve Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook
The Obvious applies to couples in a 'committed relationship'
and is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com, as well as the
book’s companion site, www.DontOverlookTheObvious.com
. Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages. He is
also webmaster of www.MenExpressThemselves.com.
And, his Twitter name is RussIrving. Russ welcomes your