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The One Who Got Away...

By Russell A. Irving

Of course, most of us can remember 'The One Who Got Away'. And, thinking of... fantasizing about them, has been a pretty common activity for most spouses, over the years. Especially when the relationship with our actual spouse became rocky at best, horrific, at worst.

Yet, now, Facebook has taken this pastime to a new level. One which can be very dangerous. As obvious as this would appear to be, there are so many wives and husbands out there who find the temptation too great to resist. They search for and strike up a renewed relationship with the former 'love of their life'. Even though many of these loves were, in fact, never more than a fantasy, back then!

Perhaps we are so self-centered that we believe that we do deserve to have a real and an online romance.
But, I must wonder whether or not these men and women are secretly hoping for their spouse to catch them. Perhaps, to stimulate jealousy and a renewed interest by their partner-in-life. Perhaps, to give their wife or husband the impetus to divorce them. Because, this way, they were not the one to initiate it, even though their action was flame that was put to the stick of dynamite's wick.
Who knows for certain, except the one involved in the online affair. And, even then...

So, what is my point? Simply that fantasizing about a past real or imagined lover is one things. But acting upon it is plain stupid and wrong! Be an adult, if you truly want a divorce. Ask for one and then start up the fling. And, if you somehow believe that cyberflirting is an innocent game, then you have the same mentality as many adolescents: that you are invincible. Yet, as with them, the premise is seriously flawed.
Why not view an interaction with someone from your past, this way: as proof that you made the correct choice with your current spouse, years ago!
Because the odds of a cyber affair turning out well is close to nill.  And, if you wish to fatten the pockets of lawyers, simply wire them the cash now.

Do you honestly believe that if you and your 'Friend From Days Gone By' were not capable of making romance and daily life work, years ago, that you are such different people now? More compatible? That you each did not grow and change but still in different, incompatible ways?
Why not spend the time that you are on a social media site, doing something relaxing or fun, with your husband or wife? Get to know them better, again. Renew the passion! Cherish your family! Examine your role in any boredom or marital problems.

Divorce has become far too easy, just as 'hooking up' with a past friend or lover has. - Each does have a place. But, certainly not as a way to avoid working on your marriage to determine how you can help to make it better, for each one of you.

'Nuff said.

Russell Irving is a media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. – His book, Improve Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook The Obvious applies to couples in a 'long term relationship' and is available at,, as well as the book’s companion site, . Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages. His Facebook page is Russell Irving. And, Twitter name is RussIrving.