Men Express Themselves
Where men can share their points of view and more.
Where women can learn about men.





Strong relationships are Based on Shared Goals

By Murad Abel

Relationships arenít built on love alone. Love is fleeting and if there isnít anything else that holds the couple together chances are that the relationship will dissolve like so many others have. Two couples enjoining in the beautiful concepts revolving around love should have something more in common than simply being with one another.

Psychologist David Olsen states, ďThere are few positive models of marriage [relationships]. People make the assumption that love is sufficient. Unhappy couples can hardly remember what brought them together in the first place." (Marano, 2007).

In many cases after a few years of marriage or dating the couple forgets what attracts them to the other person. They mystery and novelty of the relationship have all gone and soon the couple falls into boring familiarity. Each day they go through their lives pretending they love each other until something challenges them to think. This challenge can come in the form of a challenge for affection, arguing, a dramatic event or anything else which requires a person to think about their goals.

Goals and visions in a relationship help couples to stay together and stay focused on what is important. It is the piece of a relationship that many Americans have either forgotten or refuse to look at. Having a goal in a relationship is like a baseball player who focuses on the ball; nothing around him really matters.

If the baseball player focused too extensively on his stance, how he is holding his bat, if his parents are watching, whether or not he going to hit the ball then there is a good chance that he will swing and miss. Focusing on all the details doesnít work well for people who want to accomplish their goals. It is so easy to get bogged down in the details and lose focus on what is important.

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle recognized that there were different kinds of relationships. He stated that the highest form of relationship is when two friends share a vision of what is good and important in live, and then work as a team to build it. It is the act of working together that creates the close bonds of marriage.

Having shared goals help couples in their decision making process. When goals are different there is a good chance that couples wonít interpret and make decisions in the same way. Therefore, these divergent decisions and ways of thinking turn into arguments. The more arguments you have the less chance the relationship is going to work out.

ďIt is very important to make sure the person you're marrying is like minded. It's crucial for a couple to have shared goals and values. The more you have in common the less you have to argue about.Ē - Barbara Friedman.

Before you can really choose a partner in a relationship you have to know what their goals are. It takes time to know what the other person wants out of life, out of the relationship and in the long term. However, a frank discussion (which usually comes up on its own) about each others desires in life can clear up any confusion.

If you desire a healthy relationship that will last throughout the years donít choose based on love only. Think about the other person, what they want out of life, and the methods they use to achieve these goals. If you find there is similarity then continue on in the relationship but if you find that they are dramatically different then cut your losses and move on.

Murad Ali, a two-time published author, writes articles and offers advertisement space for businesses. Visit and and and