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Sex, On The 1st Date
Where Are The Decent Men To Be Found?

Russell Irving

Women say it over and over: "How come every guy wants to end the 1st date with sex?"
This comment is often followed up by: "Aren't there any decent guys, around? And, if so, where are they hiding?"

Well, guys, you know the answer! So, can we share it with the ladies? What? You don't believe that they will believe it? Come on, now! We at least have to try.

Once upon a time, there was a nerd who became a popular guy. And, he was a virgin. Yes, he did date prior to his makeover, and yes, he did get to assorted 'bases'. Yet, he was still technically a virgin.
And on one memorable 1st date with a super hot woman, things heated up, fast, at the end of the evening. When she prepared herself for intercourse, he confessed his virginity. She expressed laughter, sensitivity, and 'pride' at his wishing to wait for the 'perfect' woman and the 'perfect' moment. But she also changed her mind and decided that one date was enough.

This fellow had multiple instances of this. And, wondered what happened to his expectations as to how a woman should behave. And, what women wanted men to do, early on in a relationship.

Now, fast forward to my Single Life seminars. During most classes, women would typically complain that guys only want one thing: sex.
So, then I would ask how they would react if the man did not make a move on them after a nice evening, together. Almost unanimously, they would say that either the guy must have been gay, found them to be unattractive, or was a virgin. Each of these were distasteful outcomes.

So, here's a dilemma faced by many men.
Do they make that expected move, knowing that the odds are great that they will push too fast in the heat of the moment... And, thus blow a potentially great relationship? Or, do they push full steam ahead because they believe that this woman is equally horny and will do most anything on the 1st date? Or, do they say to themselves that this woman has potential for being a lifelong mate, so 'let's go slow'? Especially knowing that sexual tension, once built up to an extraordinarily high level, can lead to a most fantastic 1st-time sexual experience?

Likewise, there are men... Virgins and non-virgins... Who simply want to see where a romantic friendship would lead, before risking sexually transmitted diseases or an unplanned pregnancy.

Then you have the scenario where women go to a 'Singles, Meat Market' nightclub. A place where hooking-up is the hoped for and expected outcome for the evening. So, why do these women find themselves turned-off when they get what they seemed to desire? You wouldn't go camping where bears are known to roam, wild, and act surprised when a bear tore through your tents and provisions. (Would you? And, 'no', I am not excusing boorish/ rude behavior.)

Bottom-line here is that men get mixed signals from so many women, that it is near impossible to figure out what they should do, if they wish to develop an ongoing romance.
And, whether or not you discuss male virgins or simply men who are choosy about whom they sleep and have sex with, women need to find a way to let these guys know what they expect. And then, what they get from him at the end of a date should be a mutually agreed upon and accepted outcome.
Which means that in the real world, that there will likely be some 'fumbling' and moves that might not be welcome. But, deal with it! Work things out, as a grown-up! Both of you!

'Nuff said.

Russell Irving is a media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. – His book, Improve Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook The Obvious applies to couples in a 'long term relationship' and is available at,, as well as the book’s companion site, . Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages. His Facebook page is Russell Irving. And, Twitter name is RussIrving.

copyright - R. Irving