Men Express Themselves
Where men can share their points of view and more.
Where women can learn about men.






By Russell A. Irving

Secrets beget doubts,
and paranoia.

Which of these statements is true regarding you and your spouse?
#1 I am always honest with my spouse.
#2 I tell them everything.
#3 I sometimes leave things out that are not important or that might trouble them.
#4 They really do not need to know everything...
#5 A little mystery is good for a relationship.

If you are like many (most?) spouses, your first instinct is to say that #s 1 and 2 best describe you. But, if you dig a little deeper into your 'honesty pail', my hunch is that many (most?) of you will also end up saying that the other 3 choices apply, at times. And, that nothing is wrong with that fact.

We all tend to want to keep some facets of our past and present life a secret from our loved one.
Sometimes, it is because we truly do not want them to worry needlessly about something that truly has little, if anything, directly to do with them. - An example of this might be a tiff that you had with a co-worker. Or that you substituted one brand of pasta sauce for another. - Fairly benign pieces of information.

But what if the secret is that you had taken a longer lunch than you should have, and the boss found out. And, suspended you. Do you tell your partner the truth, or do you say that there is a temporary layoff situation. A furlough day, if you will.
Perhaps, you overspent the week's food budget. But, you figure that you can hold off on paying a bill until the next payday when you can juggle the funds. Yet, if the compnay owed money leaves a message about the overdue bill and your spouse hears it, what should they think?

What if you are busy planning a surprise party. And, there are numerous calls and text messages coming through. And, your spouse wants to know who is calling. And, you pretend aboutwho is on the other end of the phone. Think that your wife/ husband will become suspicious? Or wonder whether or not there might be an affair going on?

Perhaps you went to the doctor's office, had a test done, and cancer is suspected? Should you tell your husband/ wife? Or, wait until there is a definitive result from the biopsy? And, if they know 'something' is wrong with you and you deny it, don't you believe that they will suspect 'the worse'?

You might be cold sexually. Or, not wish for them to be the sexual initiator. All, because of a past sexual abuse. If you do not tell your wife/ husband, then their imagination will understandably wander. They could believe that you do not desire them. Or, that you do not desire sex, as opposed to having fears or concerns involving it. Or...

Now, I am not saying that you should tell your loved one absolutely everything that goes on, especially, in real time. There are circumstances where discretion and timing are important.
That said, realize that spouses tend to know us better than we imagine. Whether or not they express their suspicions, doubts, or... right away. They can tell, most times when something is up. And, human nature being what it is, folks tend to suspect the worse. And, until they know otherwise or precisely what is in fact going on, they are apt to behave differently toward you.
And, depending upon the secret, they might become quite angry and with some justification.

Only you can determine what should be known to your spouse and when. I simply advise you to be very careful in your decisions. Because if and when your partner decides that you were simply being deceitful, it becomes extremely difficult for the trust to be rebuilt and for life to revert to your previous level of normalcy.

'Nuff said!