Men Express Themselves
Where men can share their points of view and more.
Where women can learn about men.


Living In The Past

We all have a 'past'.
Is that where you wish to live
Your married life?

"Jane had so many boyfriends before me... Seems as though we run into one of them, every month! Sometimes that gets me so angry. Was she a slut? Will she get tired of me, as she did, them? And, why does he have to say 'Hi' to them?"

Sound familiar? Well, especially if you married someone in their mid-20's and older, the odds are that your spouse has a 'history'. Whether it was as a serial-dater, or someone who simply had been engaged previously, your woman probably dated. And, more than likely did not lead a cloistered life.

So, my first and 'obvious' question is: Did you, also?
Now, don't go into the 'That was different' mode, because we both know that's a crock! It isn't different. (Other than that one situation directly involved you and your behavior, while the other did not.)
Look, we all had a past of some sort. But face it! She married you, not them. And, yes, you can conjure up a thousand reasons why that should annoy you. And, perhaps, you claim a worry about sexually-transmitted diseases. But, you accepted or made the proposal. No one actually forced you. So, be an adult and deal with it.

Now, you say that you cannot help feeling insecure. So what can you do?
I won't claim that it will be easy for everyone. That said, it's typicaly a matter of changing the subject verbally or in your mind's thoughts, whenever you get on that track.
It's also a matter of accepting the fact (emphasis on the word 'fact') that dwelling too much on this will cause a rift among you, both. And depending upon the quality of your marriage, the toll could become too great.

Now, for the flip side of this coin. - Perhaps, you keep reminiscing about a former lover. Well, how would you feel if your wife was distant with you? Or, frequently compared you with another lover from their past?
You can choose to live in... Rather, daydream, about the past... Or, focus on making your partner the center of your love and home. - Yes, that's corny. And, yes, that's about as true as you can get.

So, the decision is truly yours to make. And, if you decide to behave as an adult spouse should, then follow the above, basic and effective steps.

copyright - R. Irving