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'Holiday Desperation' Makes For Bad 'Bedfellows' And...

Russell Irving

Hopefully this piece is not being written/ posted 'too late', but the advice is relevant throughout the year, so here goes... (And, this applies to you, ladies, as much as it does to men!)

Who doesn't feel extra lonely during the Holidays?

The urge to be with a romantic partner seems to increase with the coming of the early, dark, and cold winter nights.
We're bombarded by media images of couples cuddling on a couch, in front of a glowing & warm fireplace or even a big screen, wall-mounted TV.

If we have been without a lover for a while, our skin calls out for a soft, or firm, or... touch.

We hunger for passions to be consummated. We want someone to share our days with. To throw a snowball or to skate, to shop with, or even to snuggle with during a movie, while sharing a popcorn and drink.

Looking back on my premarital days, I can see very clearly the mistakes that I made, during the Holidays, out of loneliness.

There was the New Year, when after a fiasco of a 'Special Dinner-Entertainment' package, I spent the night with a sexy lady whom I knew only slightly. And, while I will be a gentleman and not divulge details of what transpired in her apartment, I will say that in my heart I probably knew that passion would be our 'success' more than a lasting relationship would be.

There was the New Year when the lady made it clear that she wanted a 'real man' and not one who would show a soft-side when watching a tearjerker of a movie.

Then there was the time I decided to let an older, sensual woman whisk me away to a club. And, when I was not quite ready to 'consummate the 1st date', that was the end of that situation.

Unfortunately, I could go on, for a bit...
What lessons did I learn? Plenty!
But, they can be summed up, this way:

* Having 'someone' to share an intimate moment with is truly not better, in the long run, than having no one.

* It is natural to make dating mistakes out of loneliness. But, try to keep them at a minimum.

* Be extra careful not to use someone. You know in your gut when you are.

* Don't come across 'needy'. This will drive away a potential 'keeper'.

* Virtually no one finds their life partner during their first relationships.

* Don't confuse someone who is 'easy' or who is 'accommodating' or who flatters everything about you, with someone who loves you. They are probably just as lonely and perhaps as desperate as you are to have 'Someone Special' in your life.

* Finally, DON'T SETTLE! - You (and the other person) deserves a true friend, lover, and partner, all in one person. Where the feelings are mutual. And, where the relationship makes sense, 'head-wise' as well as in your heart and hormones.

'Nuff said!

Russell Irving is a media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. – His book, Improve Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook The Obvious applies to couples in a 'long term relationship' and is available at,, as well as the book’s companion site, . Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages. His Facebook page is Russell Irving. And, Twitter name is RussIrving.

copyright - R. Irving