What you believe to be
An obvious signal
For them to initiate lovemaking
Might not be so obvious to them.
Given that you and your spouse/lover share a bed, home, budget, and, even dare I say, 'bodily fluids', it is astounding & somewhat puzzling to realize just how many of you are timid when it comes to initiating lovemaking. Or, how many of your signals, 'to come hither'/ 'I want you, NOW', seem to be invisible to your lover.
Now, before those of you for which this piece applies, go off somewhere to avoid what you think you seeing coming, stay put and see whether or not you were correct... Or, whether or not you might discover a way to enhance your sex life in a comfortable fashion.
There are 2 distinct types of people who do not send (clear) signals to their partner regarding the desire to be sexually intimate. - So, wihout further ado...
First, there are those of you who truly believe that they do send their partner a clear signal, when feeling amorous.
They might cuddle up next to them on the couch. Or, give them a surprise hug, from behind. A gentle pat on the tush, a special gaze, a 'I'm going to head in to bed, early, tonight.'... Giving them flowers for 'no reason'.... Preparing a special dinner... Mentioning that the children will be staying overnight at a friend's house... Matter-of-factly saying that for once you don't have work to do at home... Or, that you think you will let the housework wait until tomorrow...
The list of what you might see as 'obvious' clues is pretty long. And, so are the reasons why your spouse might not pick-up on them.
Come on! Think about it! (But, not for too long, now.) You might intend any of the above to be the clue that you are not only 'in the mood', but that you are also 'available' for the 'asking'/ 'taking'. Yet, problems are many with these 'signals' of yours.
For starters, have you have said or done any of these when you were not wanting sex? If 'Yes', then how can you expect your man or woman to translate the message, as you intended it? People do not like to feel foolish or to be rejected. And, if they mis-read your signal, one or both of these will likely 'sting' them.
Following up on the 'rejected part', it takes a very strong-willed, self-confident, or foolish person to keep risking being told 'No', when responding to what they believed to be an obvious signal.
I'm reminded of a great 'Everybody Loves Raymond' episode where Deborah complains to Ray that he never seems to know when she is 'in the mood'. Yet, as she describes her 'signal', it is easy to understand why Ray does not respond, as she would like him to do.
Others of you might feel timid or embarassed about letting them know that you 'want it'. 'Badly.'
Perhaps you believe that only 'naughty folks' or 'pigs' ask for it. - Perhaps, you were brought up to believe that the man has to make the first move, otherwise, she probably thinks less of you as a lover. Or, she is not behaving 'lady-like'.
And, as mentioned earlier, there is always the possibility of rejection. And, who wants to deal with that? And, if there have been a number of rejections, already, unless you are masochistic, you will eventually decide to no longer take a chance on properly reading what you believe to be a signal for intimacy.
Okay. So, what does one do to remedy the situation? Well, there are several 'obvious', yet effective solutions.
First, you can both discuss the matter and agree upon certain actions or words that mean 'Go for it'. - It can be a phrase. - A specific nightgown or robe that is put on or place on the bed. - It might a phrase, such as 'Turning in, now, care to join me?'. - Or, a well-placed, hand on their body. (Somewhere that you normally don't touch when not in bed. And, not necessarily an overtly sexual placing of your hand, either.) - You might agree that the dimming of lights or turning off of the TV/ computer will be your signal.
Second, you let your husband or wife know that you feel awkward about being the one to initiate lovemaking, for whatever the reason. And ask if they would welcome such a move on your part without them thinking 'less' of you.
Third, make them aware of how much rejction can hurt. Let them know that you do not expect them to always be agreeable to having sex, but that you also would appreciate less rejections. Especially because you know that when they 'get started', they get into it and enjoy the intimacy, the passion, and being able to please you. (As well as being pleased, themselves.)
Before I close, there is another reason why spouses do not respond to their loved one's overtures.
The sex itself has either become boring, predictable, or otherwise non-enjoyable.
To resolve this problem, you need to communicate. Delicately. Either by placing their hands, lips, or other body parts where and as you want them to be... Or, by verbally letting them know what you enjoy.
Tact is the key. - And, going back to that TV episode, Deborah also complained about the sex itself. And, when Ray asked why she didn't say anything to him about it, her response was that he 'should have known'. Ray's logical and common response was that after a few years of him not pleasing her, wouldn't she have understood that he wasn't going to 'do it right', unless she told him?
Bottom line: Don't assume that your signals for lovemaking will be read correctly or acted upon, if they were understood. You need to be clearer. So that the two of you can become lost in the throes of passion.