Men Express Themselves
Where men can share their points of view and more.
Where women can learn about men.



Changing Their Ways

Face it! We've all been there, one time or another.
We look at our spouse and have this burning desire, not for their body or mind, but for a change in them. Perhaps we wish that they would dress differently. More business-like. Or, casual. Sexier, or less slutty. Perhaps we wish they would at least try to enjoy hobbies that we love. Or, perhaps we hope that they would want to spend more time with us. And less with their buddies.

Sometimes the desire is for something as small as hoping that  they will pick up after themselves. Or, remember to turn off the TV or computer when turning in for the night. 

Whatever the precise wish, the point is that we wish them to change. In ways pleasing to us.
Now, the fact is that people seldom make huge changes in their habits, once they are no longer young  adults. And, what changes that do occur, often take place  because the payoff in doing so is great. So, that if you want your wife to make these changes for you, you need to make it worthwhile for them.

Now, if this sounds like bribery, then so be it! because, it sort of is. But, think about it. -- When you decide to change something about the way that you do something and you truly have no problem with the status quo, aren't you making the change because there is a better pay-off awaiting you? Be honest, now... For those of you who have tried complaining, nagging, or otherwise bitching to them, hoping that will get them to change their ways for you... The question is, "Has it worked?". And the answer is undoubtedly, "No." Realize that even if they change as a result of your nagging, there will be resentment that will rear it's ugly head somewhere in your marriage. 

Remember: Most people do things because they offer a positive pay-off for them. So be creative. You know your spouse. And what they enjoy. And, respond favorably to. Perhaps you need to charm them, as you did when you folks were dating. Perhaps, it's a matter of building up their self-esteem. Or, being more affectionate when they do what you wish them to.

Finally, for those of you who prickle at my suggestion, here, let me remind you. We do this with our children. We do this at work. With friends. With our parents and siblings. At the market. Or... If your motives are pure... And, you are not seeking to have your husband or wife do anything fattening, illegal, or immoral... Then go for it! Or, else, stop hoping for changes that will likely never happen, on their own.

'Nuff said!