CONFLICT CAN BE OKAY
Do not be afraid of conflict.
Your marriage would likely
Explode or suffocate.
"I won't argue with you! I grew up with it."
"If I bring this up, she'll get all defensive. And deny it. So, what's the point?"
"He gets his way, all the time. But, if I confront him on it, the kids will hear and they'll get upset. I won't have that.
Most people can relate to at least 1 of the above.
Especially, in this day and age, there appears to be an unwritten rule that says married folks should try to avoid conflicts. That they only lead to explosive arguing, trauma to the children, or unresolvable bitterness.
The fact is that anything can be taken to an extreme, and thus be harmful.
Another fact, however, is that feelings of frustration or anger that are kept bottled-up, will at some point lead to a massive problem. Either an explosion, where like a bursting teapot, those around it will be scalded by the steam. Or, the person who simply keeps everything in, will experience an implosion, not unlike those skyscrapers which collapse unto themselves, during a demolition.
It's all about how you express and each one of you deals with the conflicts, that matters.
There is not a need for yelling or screaming. Name-calling is unecessary. Throwing or hitting is uncalled for. There are some spouses who want to 'win' conflicts by bullying... By being mean and overbearing.
By the same token, not every frustration or point of contention can always be handled in a calm, monotone voice, by everyone. We are, in fact, products of the environment in which we grew up. We have distinct personalities. And, are experiencing different 'life pressures' at any point in time.
There are some spouses who know that if they make accusations in a calm voice will 'push the button' of their spouse, who will in turn talk loudly or yell. So that spouse #1 can try to claim virtue/ 'a win' simply because of how they spoke during the conflict.
The bottom line is that conflicts, in and of themselves, are usually a normal and healthy part of a marriage. It's how they are expressed and ultimately resolved that can make or break an otherwise good relationship.
Copyright Russell Irving