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Breaking Up IS Hard To Do
Russell Irving

It's amazing how the words of songs appear to be ripped straight from the pages of our life. And, so it is with the song, 'Breaking Up Is Hard To Do'.

You know... You connect with a guy or gal who is hot. Hopefully, you sense some other types of chemistry. Or, at least the potential for it. You date. You dine. You have sex. You just hang out. You have sex. You...
And, somewhere along the way, the 'hotness' wears off. After sex, you want not only to roll over in the opposite direction of them, but you badly want to leave. Or, if it's your place, you badly want them to leave.
Perhaps, sex was the only chemistry remaining. You either have nothing in common with them, or the 2 of you disagree over everything.
Sometimes, the problem is that they want the relationship to move much faster than you do. As when you go to their apartment, only to find that their folks are sitting, waiting to look you over, and judge your fitness for their precious child.
Other times, you might have spent 3, 4, 10 years waiting for them to pop 'the question', but they don't. And you suddenly see yourself as one of those lonely old folks who wander the malls in the early morning hours.

So, how do you end the relationship?
Of course, you could send them a text message. Order a bouquet of roses with a note saying that this will be the last dozen that you send them. You can ask your best bud to tell them that it's over. Use snail mail... Leave a voice message on their phone. Change your status on Facebook. Go to their home with your new lover, and introduce the person as just that: your new lover. Or...

I would say, 'Seriously, now... '. But, the fact of the matter is that people do use the above methods to end a relationship.

So, what do I recommend?
Well, the best thing to do, in most instances, is to tell them face to face. I mean you were face to face when kissing. You were face to face when dining out. - But, most importantly, it's the adult way to end a relationship.
In many instances, I would recommend doing it in a public place. To avoid a possible horrendous scene.

What do you say? Well, that depends on many things. But, overall, honesty is the best policy.
The odds are that the person will be hurt. Possibly shocked. Possibly relieved.
But, whatever you do, don't say, 'Let's still be friends.' . Because that very, very, very, very rarely will work out. So don't pretend. Especially because those words might in fact raise false hope on their part, for a possible re-igniting of the relationship.

Occasionally, the 'dumpee' will suggest, in a few weeks, that you get together. Don't. Clean breaks are often the best, for all concerned.
Or, they might attempt to woo you back with sex or presents or... Don't fall for it, as tempting as it might be.

Now, will you feel like a 'heel' for the break-up? Well, that depends largely on whether or not you actually acted like a jerk or really just used them for sex or gifts or...
If you were decent, then your conscience should be clear. Dating is, after all, for those who wish to marry, someday... the process by which you weed out everyone, except for that 'special someone'.
If you were a jerk... well, you should feel badly. And, for them! Not yourself.

Regardless of whether you were the 'dumped' or 'dumper', learn lessons from the relationship. That's what it's about! (I should know having played both roles. And, knowing how difficult the whole situation can be.)

'Nuff said.

Russell Irving is a media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. – His book, Improve Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook The Obvious applies to couples in a 'long term relationship' and is available at,, as well as the book’s companion site, . Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages. His Twitter Account is RussIrving .