Breaking Up IS Hard To Do
amazing how the words of songs appear to be ripped straight from the
pages of our life. And, so it is with the song, 'Breaking Up Is Hard
know... You connect with a guy or gal who is hot. Hopefully, you
sense some other types of chemistry. Or, at least the potential for
it. You date.
You dine. You have sex. You just hang out. You have sex. You...
somewhere along the way, the 'hotness' wears off. After sex, you
want not only to roll over in the opposite direction of them, but you
badly want to leave. Or, if it's your place, you badly want
them to leave.
sex was the only chemistry remaining. You either have nothing in
common with them, or the 2 of you disagree over everything.
the problem is that they want the relationship to move much faster
than you do. As when you go to their apartment, only to find that
their folks are sitting, waiting to look you over, and judge your
fitness for their precious child.
times, you might have spent 3, 4, 10 years waiting for them to pop
'the question', but they don't. And you suddenly see yourself as one
of those lonely old folks who wander the malls in the early morning
So, how do
you end the relationship?
Of course, you could send them a text
message. Order a bouquet of roses with a note saying that this will
be the last dozen that you send them. You can ask your best bud to
tell them that it's over. Use snail mail... Leave a voice message on
their phone. Change your status on Facebook. Go to their home with
your new lover, and introduce the person as just that: your new
say, 'Seriously, now... '. But, the fact of the matter is that people
do use the above methods to end a relationship.
what do I recommend?
Well, the best thing to do, in most
instances, is to tell them face to face. I mean you were face
to face when kissing. You were face to face when dining out. - But,
most importantly, it's the adult way to end a relationship.
many instances, I would recommend doing it in a public place. To
avoid a possible horrendous scene.
you say? Well, that depends on many things. But, overall, honesty is
the best policy.
The odds are that the person will be hurt.
Possibly shocked. Possibly relieved.
But, whatever you do, don't
say, 'Let's still be friends.' . Because that very, very, very, very
rarely will work out. So don't pretend. Especially because those
words might in fact raise false hope on their part, for a possible
re-igniting of the relationship.
the 'dumpee' will suggest, in a few weeks, that you get together.
Don't. Clean breaks are often the best, for all concerned.
they might attempt to woo you back with sex or presents or... Don't
fall for it, as tempting as it might be.
you feel like a 'heel' for the break-up? Well, that depends largely
on whether or not you actually acted like a jerk or really just used
them for sex or gifts or...
If you were decent, then your
conscience should be clear. Dating is, after all, for those who wish
to marry, someday... the process by which you weed out everyone,
except for that 'special someone'.
If you were a jerk... well, you
should feel badly. And, for them! Not yourself.
of whether you were the 'dumped' or 'dumper', learn lessons from the
relationship. That's what it's about! (I should know having played
both roles. And, knowing how difficult the whole situation can be.)
is a media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. –
His book, Improve
Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook The Obvious
applies to couples in a 'long term relationship' and is available at
Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com, as well as the book’s companion
. Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages.
His Twitter Account is RussIrving .