Men Express Themselves
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Allow Step-Parents to Parent

Step-parents are parents.
And should have a say
In the children's upbringing.

"She is not my son's mother! She had no right to punish him."

Far too many folks marry someone who have their own children by another person, without first thinking of the many potential problems that this blended family will face. They tend to think of life being akin to that of the Brady Bunch or Step By Step. TV classics where step-families might have experienced minor hiccups in their lives, but nothing that a few commercial breaks and days couldn't remedy.
The reality, however, is vastly different for so many folks. Especially, if you first 'step' with children who are old enough to remember life with both birth parents. Especially, if the child perceived their parents as usually being happy. Especially, if the children are teenagers. And, especially, if each new spouse has their own children or create children, together.

Both men and women will naturally feel differently toward their own child than a step-child. Yet, if you married a decent person, they will hopefully grow to love your child in very special ways. And, they are 'the other parent'. They should not have to feel like an outsider. Or, have it thrown in their face that the child is not their own! Because that alone can easily drive a huge wedge among them. And, any hopes of having a peaceful, cohesive home life quickly diminish. They should have a say in the child's upbringing. If you did not trust their judgment or ability to love your children, then you should never have married them! That simple.

If you create your own children, together, imagine how the other child feels. Like a 'third wheel'. A housemate. An unwanted 'obligation'.

Obviously, the feelings of the birth and step-parent will be different on some level. But, there is nothing to gain by deepening the gap.- For some of you, it is about not completely trusting your new partner. For others, it is about who has what power in the family. For others, it is derived from a sense of guilt and wanting to prevent the step-parent and child from becoming too close, in the event that this marriage ends in divorce. For some of you, it is a difference in parenting styles.
Regardless, there is little to be gained by not allowing your spouse to be a 'parent' as opposed to being a 'step-parent'.

You owe your children the best home life possible. You owe the same to your spouse. And, to yourself.

'Nuff said!

copyright - R. Irving